This is the first of what will be many posts on Nyetworking: The no-nos of online interaction.I took Daisy the Wonderdog for a spin around the block before I headed out to the gym this morning, so I was dressed in my workout gear: stretchy leggings, tank top, and a hoodie. We hadn't even turned the corner when I heard it.
Hey baby...you got a nice ass!Without turning around, I showed my vocal fan that I thought he was number one with a single finger salute. He honked and drove off, laughing. And once again, I was left with the creepy aftertaste of being someone's...nice ass.
But sometimes the same group of people who would never consider engaging in such behavior in their offline life unwittingly engage in it online.
Which brings me to the first rule of nyetworking. When you join the conversation - whether it's commenting on a blog post, sending someone that first email, responding to a twitter:
DON'T. BE. CREEPY.
Here's an email that any Internet Crush would be delighted to receive:
Your well-written, organized, humorous blogs are my favorites. With enough links and video and audio to keep my ADD satisfied. And a straight-forward, brick-in-the-face style. Openness and emotion I can connect with. Use of words that I have to look up on Wikipedia.
And here's one that had me checking the locks on the windows:
Dear Mistress: I am a clean, polite man who has discretionary income and would love the opportunity to worship your feet. I am located in the Los Angeles area and can make it worth your while.
You may have been reading their blog for years. You may have memorized every word of their online dating profile. You may have studied every single one of their Flickr photos. (Okay, I'm creeping myself out here.)
You may assume you know them. But they don't know you. They don't know your quirks, your tone, when you're making a joke and when you're being serious. So when emailing Random Internet People--
Do Not:
Confess deep dark secrets.
Discuss your sexual dysfunction.
Send naked photos. (Note: some guys dig this. However, as a chick I will tell you NEVER, EVER SEND A PICTURE OF YOUR* PENIS**)
Be threatening/offensive.
Ask them for a job/money/a ride.
Request to purchase their used bras. (Am I the only one who gets this?)
You'd think this would be common sense, but there isn't a virtual Miss Manners governing Internet Protocol (except for me, of course.) While I realize that my choice of 'slackmistress' as a username might be considered a wee bit naughty, thirty seconds on any of my sites would reveal that I don't do that sort of thing.***
Let's open it up to the floor: agree? disagree? with the list? What would you add? And a bonus question: give me your creepiest Internet experience! Feel free to add it on your uber profile and give me a heads-up in the comments so we can all take a look.
*Or anyone else's.
**You'd think it would go without saying, but it has to be said. I want to live in a world where guys spend their time talking to a girl that they might one day show their penis in person, rather than sitting home taking penis portraits and emailing them to random internet strangers.
***Not for money, anyway. ;)
A friend on Live Journal led me to this post, so I have to pass the link on to my friends there--maybe some Internet "miss manners" is what the www needs!
Love your writing!