The first step to dating online or off is always Make Contact. Sounds easy, right? Send an email, say hello, start a conversation. She might be someone you know at school, someone you know through the blogworld, a screenname on twitter.

I'm a fan of email as first contact moreso than IM, simply because email gives you a chance to figure out what you're gonna say, say it, and then let her respond in her own sweet time. Ambushing via IM gives you ample opportunity for foot-in-mouth disease - or even worse - to think that you've contracted foot-in-mouth disease, and the overwrought and overthought potential humiliation turns your into such a tailspin that you to boomerang back to your uber-introverted self so rapidly that you practically turn inside out. But whatever it is, make contact. Be witty, be short, be not creepy, and then, for the love of Zod:

BACK. THE. EFF. OFF.

So you sacked up and emailed her. Now...you wait. My husband is fond of reminding me that the first time he emailed me, I didn't respond. Which is entirely true. Not because I didn't intend to, mind you, but it was such a kind and funny email I set it aside to respond to properly when I had a second. And I didn't have a second that day. And then it fell further and further down the screen. And then it disappeared.

And he waited.

When you send an email to the object of your possible affections, of course you're going to be waiting on proverbial tenterhooks (BTW, I just wanted to use that in a sentence) by the computer for a response. But if she thinks you're actually waiting by the computer on proverbial-or-not-tenterhooks (there it is again!) for a response, she's going to think that you have nothing going on in your life but an email. To her. And that's a lotta pressure for one chick to take.

I'm not saying that while you wait for a response you should take up macramé or join a book club or take up lawn jarts (that shit is dangerous, yo) but don't email her again. You made sure that first email was brilliant, perfection on a computer screen in the font of your choice. Let it stand basking in its 10pt glory; sending an "oh, and did you see this?" follow-up drains the punch out of that first contacts. A "I sent you an email, didja get it?" makes it appear like you don't understand how the intertubes work, that you are overeager and overinvolved. Press send, and walk away.

If she doesn't respond, continue contact in the other areas you've built up (commenting on blogs, responding on Twitter, etc.) but don't refer to the email ("oh, I see in you blog post you were bored yesterday, but NOT TOO BORED TO RETURN MY EMAIL") Keep it light. Keep it casual.

I know there's a ton of conflicting messages out there. A female friend of mine once said she didn't like being chased, but in the next breath confessed that she liked being pursued. It's not frakking surprise that everyone's so confused. However, I've found that us nerds live inside our heads more than regular folk, and that tendency to obsess and overthink can easily land us on the side of creepy.

One of the big 80's movie mainstays was be madly in love with someone who doesn't realize it, practically stalk them, and one day they wake up and realize you were there all along. (There's also the if he doesn't like you, change everything about yourself until you do. No wonder we're all so screwed up.) If Lloyd Dobler showed up on our front lawn with a boombox, he'd be slapped with a restraining order (and we'd wonder WTF does he not have an iPod?) You don't want to be a hopeless romantic, do you? It has "hopeless" in the description!

Your effort will not show her that you like her or that you're willing to work for her, it'll most likely scare the crap out of her. And while I'd hope this didn't need to be said, I'll say it anyway: don't run into her purposely by mistake. Sure, you read her blog and you check out her Flickr and maybe she's even on BrightKite. That's not to say that you should avoid your local haunts, but don't randomly show up somewhere because you know she sometimes goes there and lurk like the proverbial pedophile at Chuck E. Cheese. You want her heart to leap with happiness - not terror.

Okay, so I've shown you how this might terrify a girl, but not land you in the Friend Zone. So here's the deal. If you break all of these rules, do the above and don't scare the crap out of her, she's probably a Nerd Chick, because it takes a lot to scare the crap out of a Nerd Chick. So she's gonna think you're cool. That you're gonna want to hang out. That you're always around. Sounds good, right?

You know who's cool, ready to hang out and always around? Her friends. The one thing that has to be present for potential nerd lovin' - any lovin' for that matter - is chemistry. Y'know, that one thing that everyone insists they want but can't tell you what it is but will "know it when they feel it?" Yeah, that. She could be a flaming ball of nerd lust but if you take away all of the mystery, all of the does-he-or-doesn't-he, you've turned yourself into a walking fire extinguisher.

Once the Do you like me? Yes __ No __ question has been answered, you can smother each other in the smug happiness of the newly coupled. But sometimes to get together, you gotta back the eff off.


Upcoming Escape From the Friend Zone topics: The Myth of the Nice Guy, Your New Best Friend, Reminding Her You Have a Penis, and More!